The year is 2K25.
All preconceived notions of basketball have been destroyed. Math — and the barrage of three-pointers that come with it — have become an all consuming void; creative NBA basketball has been swallowed. Layups, dunks and the entire mid-range have become obsolete. It’s the world Joe Mazzulla wants, and I’m not sure I want to be here anymore.
About a month ago, I set out to become a Celtics legend on NBA 2K25, the newest installment in Visual Concepts’ economically-acclaimed, critically-mixed and popularly-panned series of NBA video games. The MyCareer mode — a staple of the game since NBA 2K10 — has been my yearly outlet for deferred NBA dreams, able to take my 5’8”, 160-pound frame beyond its physical limitations and average 32 points per game while being guarded by Shai Gilgeous-Alexander… somehow.
So, I got about building my legend. With nothing more than a 5’9” 185-pound build (the game literally won’t allow you to be 5’8”…rude) and my pre-order bonus to upgrade my player’s stats a bit, I headed to my new team: The Boston Celtics.
Because… video game, I was just allowed to choose the team I wanted to be on, a feature of the newer games that takes a bit of the realism out of getting drafted but also just allows people to play for their favorite team, which I think is fine. Also, because… video game, the Celtics coaching staff handed me the starting spot over Jrue Holiday after five games for indeterminate reasons.
My minutes were pretty low at first, but after becoming the starter I started to notice something… off. It wasn’t the gameplay — that part was really fun. The Next Generation console improvements are clear; a game that used to be animation-dependent now feels infinitely expandable. Shots bounce, roll and clank around the rim like they do in real life, and I genuinely don’t know if it’s going to go in until it actually does. But something was just… wrong.
My Celtics were losing a lot more than they realistically should, though it wasn’t exactly rocket science to figure out why. I, the pretty-low-level 5’9” point guard, was taking a lot of shots on Hall of Fame difficulty (which is really hard) because… video game, and we’re trying to have fun out here. Jayson Tatum was only averaging 16 points per game, and Jaylen Brown was down to 12. Kristaps Porzingis — not injured in this alternate universe — was weirdly the second-leading scorer at 18 points per game,…
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