Vitale: Men’s preseason All-Rolls Royce Teams, Diaper Dandies

Here we go, baby! Buckle up, hoops nation, it’s time for Dickie V’s 2025-26 preseason All-Rolls Royce teams — and my list of star-studded Diaper Dandies. We’re talking Prime-Time Players (PTPers) are ready to light up the scoreboard and make this season one for the ages.

You know me. I don’t hand out Rolls Royce honors to just any player, unless he’s the kind to make you stand up and say, “Are you serious, baby?!”

So, let’s tip it off with the best of the best!

First Team

PJ Haggerty, Kansas State Wildcats: The transfer express finally lands in Manhattan, Kansas, and boy, oh boy, Jerome Tang’s got himself a big-time baller and scoring machine. Haggerty’s dropped 21 points a night the past two years — and, by the way, set an American Conference tourney record with 42 points in a game. But he’s not just a scorer, he’s also a playmaker and a defender. He’s a legit Rolls Royce PTPer.

Braden Smith, Purdue Boilermakers: The maestro, the conductor, the Diaper Dandy-turned-veteran PTPer. The Bob Cousy Award winner led the entire nation last season in assists. He’s the reigning Big Ten Player of the Year, a first-team All-American, and when you’re breaking conference records for dimes, you’re the Rolls Royce of point guards. He’s Purdue’s straw that stirs the drink.

JT Toppin, Texas Tech Red Raiders: Double-double deluxe, baby! This young man was named the Big 12’s Player of the Year, recording 19 double-doubles last season. He gets it done with muscle, hustle and heart. You talk about toughness? Toppin is Mr. Reliable down low — a Rolls Royce Red Raider.

Graham Ike, Gonzaga Bulldogs: The postman always delivers. He’s been putting up steady double figures his whole career, and with nearly 60% shooting, he’s money on the block.

Bennett Stirtz, Iowa Hawkeyes: From Division II Northwest Missouri State to Drake to the big stage in Iowa City, what a Cinderella story. He’s a scoring guard with clutch DNA. Last year? Over 600 points, 200 assists, 70 steals. Nobody in Mountain Valley Conference history ever did that before him. Now he’s ready to show the Big Ten he’s prime-time material.

Second Team

Trey Kaufman-Renn, Purdue Boilermakers: Ohhh, he’s a scoring dynamo. Averaged 20…